Went to McDonald’s for breakfast this morning because we were having a working lunch today and I don’t have any food, so I thought I’d just have a big breakfast.  Got to class and found out that we were doing AERs (kind-of a report card from your SGL for all of CH-BOLC).  This went very quickly.  No surprises.  Met the standard.  I think everyone got the same thing.  When it was over we were turned loose till 1130.

I used the free time to complete my chapel observation reports.  A word to future students: don’t stress over this stuff.  It looks like a ton of work, but you can knock them out quickly.  Probably best to do them during or just after the service, but I never do things early.

Speaking of future students…  someone in the buffet line tonight mentioned that a friend of his was reading this blog to get information for an upcoming class.   That made me think again of how I must sound.  I know I’m pretty critical and negative.  I don’t mean to be, it just comes out like that.  My intention here was to share how I’m feeling, not to give an objective account of what goes on here.  Your experience will likely be completely different.  And that’s not to say that MY experience has been bad.  Really, it’s been amazing.  I just tend to discuss the bad stuff in this blog because it’s cathartic for me.  It’s how I purge the bad thoughts and continue on.  Let me make this very clear: I have a great respect for the NCOs, cadre and other staff associated with the chaplain school.  Nobody is perfect.  There are mistakes, but there are also great successes.  My frustrations are far outweighed by my admiration for those involved in teaching us to be chaplains.

Okay…now that that’s out of the way…let me vent in peace! 

So, tonight was the graduation banquet.  I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it because these things tend to be more of a “dog and pony show” than anything else.  It’s fun to dress up and hang out dressed up with everyone else, but there’s just so much liturgy (the receiving line, the color guard, the toasts, the speeches, etc.) that I don’t feel comfortable till it’s over.  Tonight was especially tough.

I was uncomfortable from the start.  I got into my dress uniform with no difficulty and got to the NCO club in time, so no stress there.  Once inside, I stood there with the rest of the class in the foyer wondering what to do next.  It was awkward because there were a bunch of spouses there who I didn’t recognize, and I had nothing to occupy myself except to make small talk with anyone who came near.

Next we were shuffled into a room where they had some cheese and crackers, etc., on a table.  This was for the social time.  The first thing I noticed was the window across the room where they seemed to be serving drinks.  That’s just what I needed.  A glass of wine would help me to relax.  So I went over and found myself in line with a bunch of like-minded chaplains, and I got myself a drink.  For a short time, things did improve, and I began to enjoy myself a little.  Still making lot’s of small talk, and I felt strange being there alone (without my wife), but I was doing okay.

After about half an hour, we were called to the receiving line.  Our platoon got in line and slowly made our way up to the VIPs.  On the way CH K inspected us.  Fortunately I escaped his gaze.  I said hello and shook hands with CH B and his wife and someone else who I didn’t recognize.  I was about to enter the banquet room and take my seat for a nice evening.  Then I came to CH H.

I don’t think CH H even shook my hand; at least I don’t remember him shaking my hand.  All I remember is that he said “Sullivan, where’s your guidon?  You’d better go get it…”  Oh crap.  I was filled with dread once again.  I had forgotten the guidon.

I had asked CH S a couple of time earlier in the week if I needed to bring the guidon to the banquet and if there was anything I needed to do.  He finally got back to me this morning and said I should bring it, but that it would just sit somewhere and I didn’t need to worry about it.  Famous last words.

Fortunately, the guidon was in my trunk, and I told CH H that I’d be right back with it.  So in a panic, I ran out to the car and got the guidon.  When I returned, I went back and asked CH H what I should do with it.  He was no help at all, and just told me to find someone in charge of the banquet.

I began to search for CH S who was running the show to ask him, and eventually found him in another room.  When asked, of course, he had no idea what to do.  He then went on a “fact finding mission” for what seemed like forever.  When he returned, he still knew nothing.  We noticed SGT L and asked him if he knew what to do.  Then CH K came over too.  The consensus was that I needed to drive to the school and retrieve the base that we use there.

I don’t know how I got into this mess.  I was getting really frustrated.  I just wanted to go sit down like everyone else and enjoy the evening.  So, after borrowing CH S’s key card, I ran back out to the car and drove to the school.

At the school, I ran down the corridor to the door to our classroom and tried the key card.  What a surprise!  It didn’t work.  I tried it again and again.  I tried other doors.  None of them worked.  Apparently the cards that we students were given have no access after a certain time.  Soooo…I ran back down the corridor to my car, drove back to the NCO club, ran back inside and began searching for someone to help get me in.  SGT L was nearby and I asked him for help.  He said something like, “Oh, no…you can’t get in with that.”  Ugh…wasn’t he just there before telling me to go get the thing from the classroom?  Now he told me to go find another NCO who could give me THEIR key card.

Everyone was seated and quiet now and someone was addressing the room from up front.  I searched out the room and saw SGT R seated at one of the tables.  He didn’t have his card with him.  I asked SGT B.  No dice.  Finally I asked SGT M.  After explaining everything to him (not easy with the whole room listening to someone speaking up front) he agreed to help me.

Back out to the parking lot, into my car, and back to the schoolhouse.  Back down that long corridor, and to the classroom.  Fortunately, his card worked.  I got in, got the block, and headed out to load it into my car.  Then back to the NCO club, and back inside, where all of the early stuff including toasts was over, and the color guard were doing whatever they do.  I couldn’t see because I was outside and the doors were shut.  When the color guard finished, and a general commotion came from inside, I went inside to continue my mission.

People were getting in line for the buffet.  I was looking around trying to figure out where the darned guidon was supposed to go.  No one seemed to have a clue.  I set the block down and was about to go search for help again when CH H noticed me and came over to tell me where the guidon should be (not up front with the colors, but away to the side of the room by a door where no one would see it).

I have to say, I was pretty upset, and I was all sweaty now and uncomfortable from running back and forth in my dress greens.  Then CH H said “good job Sullivan”, and that almost made everything better.  It’s amazing what an encouraging word can do.  I doubt he had any idea what I’d just been through to get that guidon in place, but his words made me feel a little better about it.

When I finally found my spot at a table, I was out of breath and sweaty, and everyone wanted to know where I’d been.  I was just about to tell them when they all stood up and walked away.  It was our turn to head to the buffet.  So you see…I needed to vent to someone!!

The rest of the evening was nice, but I just wanted to go home.  I was tired and all I could think about was all the couples in the room.  I’m not used to being the 3rd wheel.  There was a funny skit by the students and a monologue/song by CH W representing the cadre.  That was cool.  There was a slide show that I really enjoyed.  The keynote address had good content, but it was far from dynamic.  Then the giving of gifts, and pinning of regimental crests (on accessioned chaplains only…not me) and it was all over.  I milled about for awhile, we took some pictures, and then I grabbed my guidon and block and went home.

I’m going to miss these people a lot.  I’m going to miss the camaraderie, the adventure, etc…  but I’m ready to go home.  It’s all I can think about now.  Are we there yet?

MONDAY:  No more, PT, but they’re still making us get up early.  Had to be in the classroom at 0700 for our H1N1 shots.  Glad to get that in before leaving.

Had PICK training all day today.  It’s single soldier counseling based on the book “How Not to Marry a Jerk.”  Pretty good stuff.  I’d love to teach this material to high school students.  I think it’s geared toward older singles, but it can be used any way you want.

For each of these counseling classes, we’re getting all kinds of stuff to take home with us.  Books, folders, etc.  Hope I have room for all this in my car.

Went over to a friend’s for a movie.  M. Night Shymalan’s latest.  Pretty good.  Lot’s of talking during the movie though.  I have a hard time with that.

TUESDAY:  Got to sleep in a little today.  To class at 0830.  Learned the LINKS material today.  It’s marriage enrichment stuff.  Written by the same guy who wrote the PICK stuff.  He’s really engaging and the material is well written.  A nice change.

The class is definitely having problems concentrating.  We’re so close, and we’re having trouble focusing on the work.

Turned in a bunch of our TA-50 stuff.  Nice to get it out of my trunk.  Still have some things left.  I hope we get it in soon so I can begin to pack the car.

Had dinner with most of the platoon at a cheap Asian buffet.  Got to meet LT Cs wife and a few others.  Had fun with his daughters.  Went for another movie night after.  Watched “I Am Legend”.

Went to the Catholic mass this morning for my final observation.  CH S gave the homily and did an amazing job.  I was very impressed with this service.  Had it not been for the reading from Baruch, it wouldn’t have been any different from the liturgical Protestant service.  I can’t believe its the second week of advent already.

Finally wrapped up my 60-day travel voucher.  A little late.  Hope nobody minds.

Planned my route back home and made hotel reservations.  I-40 from Asheville to Knoxville is closed due to a rock slide.  They say it’ll be months before it reopens.  The detour takes me at least an hour out of the way.  Its either the North route on a two-lane road through the mountains, or the South route via Atlanta.  I have no interest in navigating Atlanta traffic, so its the North route for me.  Friday will be the toughest day.  I leave sometime between 10 and 12am.  Stopping in Paducah, KY; a 9 1/2 hour drive.  I’ll be so excited to get out and on the road that I think it will go fast.  Saturday its 12 hours to Colby, KS.  Both hotels should be nice.  I’m not staying in some fleabag hotel again.  I managed to get good deals with military discounts.

Everyone else in the class seems to be reuniting with their wives and families.  I wish Laura could be here.  Well…I’ll be home this time next week.

Got a call as we were leaving from LT T who wanted us to join a few others in getting coffee.  We joined them and had a nice time there as well.  It was a very unique college coffee house called Cool Beans, actually located in a little old house.  The main part was on the second floor.

Overall a very satisfying day.  I feel refreshed.

This morning I showed up at the PT field expecting a light game of Ultimate Frisbee. I was in a pretty good mood, and thinking that this was the end, I was a little playful with my guidon duties.  When I returned to the front after the morning salute, I played at having trouble sinking the guidon into the ground.  Each time I raised the guidon and sank it again, the class would say “boom shaka laka!”  It was kind-of funny, and I was only meaning to raise spirits a bit.  Anyone paying attention knows I’ve never had that problem with the guidon like my predecessor had.  Nevertheless, SGT L made some remark to me as he came up.  Something about being a “rookie”.  Later in the morning CH H said something about owing him push-ups, and I guess he was referring to this incident.  I wasn’t sure.

The surprise was that instead of a pleasant game, we went on a “motivational run”.  If you recall, we did this once before and it didn’t go terribly well for me.  This one was a little better, but certainly not free from problems.  And it was certainly “real PT”.  Not what I had expected.

Of course, I was in the front of the column with the class leader.  Again, the class leader (who is a very strong runner…in the A group) would occasionally take my guidon and run circles around the column, encouraging the runners.  Again too, I would be trailing him as closely as my legs allowed, trying desperately to avoid the scorn of CH H.

It was a tough run.  A little faster than the last one, and no breaks like last time.  Someone did come up and take my guidon for about two seconds, and I thought I was going to have a break, but that was a big mistake.  CH H yelled at me again, saying “Sullivan, when are you going to learn!  You never give up your guidon!  You already owe me 20 push-ups, and now you owe me more.”  I had thought that it was okay as long as I stayed with the person.  The last time we did this I gave up my guidon for relief and I went to the back of the column to rest.  I don’t know….I guess I have no excuse.  I was just really tired and worn out, and when someone came up offering to give me a minute’s rest, I wasn’t thinking straight.  Anyway, I quickly took back the guidon and continued my run.  CH H also got after me for letting the angle of the guidon slip a bit toward the end of the run.  I was holding it out in front of me and it was slipping to a more horizontal position because my arms were getting tired.

I was having trouble with my feet too.  I don’t know if I need orthotics, or what, but this is becoming a common theme.  Blisters on the insides of my feet along the arches.  I have good shoes, I think I just have bad feet.  The doctor at MEPS said I had flat feet, but not so flat as to keep me out of the Army.  Maybe it’s my flat feet that are causing problems.  Someone in the class said they got a pair of running shoes that force the foot into a curve that feels great when running but is uncomfortable when standing.  Maybe I need those.  I don’t know.  I guess I’ll have to address this problem when I get home.  I think my shin splint problem may be connected as well.

Well, the run finally ended, and NOW we should really be done with PT.  I’m not making any plans though.

Another day of Family Wellness.  I have to admit my attitude is pretty poor right now.  This stuff is awful.  There are a few nuggets here or there, but they are so hidden among all the crap that when the good stuff finally comes, it’s hard to get excited.  Without a doubt the worst three days of briefings we’ve had.

Lunch was another “frago” (fragmentary order).  They had changed the schedule on Blackboard sometime on Wednesday from a voluntary “brown bag” lunch with CH B to a mandatory working lunch with CH D.  Most people were not aware of the change and did not have a lunch with them.

I can’t believe no one told us about the change.  This kind of thing has been so prevalent over the past 3 months.  We were talking over dinner tonight about some of this stuff.  They tell us that in the Army we must be flexible.  Semper Gumby.  But the truth is, this stuff wouldn’t fly anywhere else.  It’s kind-of like they’re saying “do as I say, not as I do.”

At first, we thought it was just part of the training…that they meant to do these things to teach us to be flexible and keep a good attitude.  But it goes too far and is too frequent to be on purpose.  The most glaring example is with passes.

We are given instructions to have our weekend passes in early and to be perfect because any minor mistake could cause a hang-up.  So we work very hard and do all they ask, and get them in early.  Then we don’t hear anything till the day we’re supposed to be leaving, when they say “you don’t have a pass”, or “there’s a problem with your pass”.  The truth is they collect them and don’t bother to look at them till the last minute, and by then half of them are lost somehow.  This is not one incident.  It has happened every time we’ve had a weekend pass.

Instructions are often unclear.  Even those in charge don’t know what’s going on.  I call my squad leader or platoon leader, and they don’t have a clue.  I ask the class leader, and he’s in the dark too.  I ask my SGL and he has to go get clarification because he doesn’t know either.

…Sorry…I needed to get that off my chest.  Everything is great here.  I’m just ready to go home. 

More Family Wellness stuff today.  Had a presentation this morning which went well.  Glad we didn’t put too much time into it.

This afternoon we had an inspection of our dress uniforms.  SGT R had a couple of issues with mine, but they were minor things that are easy to fix.  Felt cool wearing it.  Most were wearing the new ASUs (blues), and I’m not sure which I like best.  Always liked blue, but the pants are kind of ugly.  I was really surprised looking at some of my classmates jackets.  So many ribbons.  I don’t know where you’d put anything new.  So many have prior service.  I guess you get lots of ribbons when you deploy.  Anyway, my two ribbons were going to look pretty pathetic next to theirs, but then I found out that I can’t wear those two ribbons that everyone gets right away.  I can’t wear them until I have graduated CH-BOLC.  So basically, after the two times we’ll be dressing up.  I don’t care though, really.  I mean, it seems kind of silly for me to have ribbons when I haven’t done anything yet.  For those who don’t know, the two are the Army Service Ribbon (just for being in the Army) and the National Defense Service Medal (I think for being in the National Guard).

Today was the beginning of three days of Family Wellness training.  It was unbelievably boring.  The worst class by far that we’ve had in my opinion.  We started at 0830 and by noon they hadn’t really said anything of substance yet.  Lot’s of stories, lot’s of rambling on about stuff that wasn’t terribly relevant.  Maybe it’s just that short-time fever.  All I know is that its going to be a long few days.

Turning in our TA-50′s tomorrow.  That’s all the gear they issued when we got here.  Body Armor, helmet, gas mask, backpack, sleeping bags, rain gear, etc.  I can’t wait to kiss that stuff goodbye.  I know I’m just going to be issued another one when I get to my unit, but its good to get rid of this one.

We’re also having an inspection on our ASU (blues) and Class A (greens) dress uniforms tomorrow.  Hope mine passes inspection.  I haven’t really looked at it since I put it together back home three months ago.  Just ironed my shirt.  That took forever.  Sure wish I’d thought to bring starch.

PT was a SGT R special.  It was his favorite, muscle failure.  I knew it would be bad when he started harassing us during the warm-up exercises.  3 kinds of push-ups, sit-ups, crunches, knee-bends, and over-head arm claps in between exercises.  Thought my arms were going to fall off.  So glad this is over soon.

Got back to the room and the power was still out.  Took a shower in the dark.  At least the water wasn’t cold.  Got dressed and ready in the dark.  Didn’t feel like eating breakfast in the dark, so I went to McDonald’s.

Spent most of the day talking about grief, its stages, grief care, etc.  I was pretty tired today, so this was a tough one to stay awake for.

At the end of class we had a two-hour session with a gold-star mother, wife, and daughter.  This was a tear-jerker for sure.  Each of them told of their experience being notified by the Army and talked about the chaplain involved.  The mother had a horrible experience.  A dud chaplain, I guess.  The others had pretty good experiences.

Went home for a bite to eat, and then back to the school house to form up and head out to the USC medical school.  They brought us there to look at cadavers.  …  Seriously…it was amazing.  We got to go to the classroom where they teach Gross Human Anatomy.  They uncovered about 6 bodies that had been thoroughly dissected, and we got to walk around and listen to doctors talk about their cadaver and explain the different parts, etc.  We were given gloves and invited to explore the bodies, which was totally amazing.  I got to handle and examine human hearts, lungs, livers, muscles, tendons, arteries, etc.  I kept thinking of my wife Laura and how jealous she was going to be when I told her about this.  The point of this exercise was first to make us deal with dead bodies before seeing them in combat situations, and second, to become familiar with the human anatomy and where different stuff is, etc.  I’ll never forget this experience.

All day was spent doing practical exercises of counseling using the techniques we’ve learned.  Nothing too exciting.  This is just something that will have to grow over time.  We’ve got the basics down.  That’s a start.  We got in small groups and each took a role in various scenarios and play-acted.  I especially liked being the adolescent child.  LT M did well with that too.  He’s got Napoleon Dynamite down cold.